Date of report: April 1, 2025
Secret documents accessed by our undercover reporter have revealed shocking details about how key bank executives are colluding with each other. The leak by our esteemed reporter going by the alias Hiding Heinrich (HH), claims that bank executives representing key credit card issuers like CP Jargon Case and Lamex are in collusion to kill credit card rewards.
Shocking Report gives startling revelations
Hiding Heinrich, affectionately knows as HH, claims access to a phone call between the head of card services at both the banks. According to HH, the call took place between Kew Ponn Buch, the head of card services at Lamex and Eemi Tate, the head of card services for CP Jargon Case. What sparked the back and forth between the two executives was the fact the Lamex was accusing CP Jargon Case of copying its airline credit card benefits by refreshing one of their own co-branded airline credit cards.
As per HH, Kew Ponn Buch accused Emily Tate (affectionately known as Eemi Tate) and her team of copying the exact benefits and credits offered by Lamex. The argument stemmed over the recent changes made by Jargon Case to their Fewnited credit card. Tate shot back by saying that breakage is not innovation and that they have every right to win this race to the bottom.
In response, Buch jokingly said that Jargon Case might as well offer quarterly insurance credits on their co-branded credit card, since Fewnited is equally adept at breaking guitars and their customers’ bones. According to HH, the spat went over multiple calls between the two executives.
Credit Card Issuers Caught Red Handed: The Intercepted Call
HH also informed us that it was really difficult for him to record the conversation. The recordings spanned a lot of minutes but the calls were very short in duration.
When we asked him for the reason, we were shocked by his answer. According to him, Lamex’s head of card services is only allowed a total of 3 hours of work related calls from the secured office phone line each day. HH pointed out though that Lamex’s employees can only use these 3 hours in the following format. Lamex calls it the employee telecommunication credit for their employees:
- 45 minutes before lunch at Noon
- 45 minutes after lunch but before 4 PM EST
- 1.5 hours after 4 PM EST
Lamex’s own employees complain about how this policy doesn’t let them communicate with their coworkers efficiently. They lament about how nobody really needs to talk for 1.5 hours after 4PM EST. Lamex’s spokesperson April Fulez said that their employee benefits are as per company policy and strictly in line with their card offerings to customers.
The Pundit’s Mantra
Our reporter Heinrich was proactive and immediately took all the evidence in order to submit a report to the CFPB. However, he returned to our office empty handed as the CFPB office was closed due to spending cuts at is tries to become more efficient.
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I saw the headline, scrolled past, there was nothing better, scrolled back up, read it, was confused for a minute, then laughed my ass off. Very well done!
Haha, glad you enjoyed it!