True Story – The Things That Happen To Us on The Road

A true story of a recent business trip.

So, I walk into the Sky Club around noon. You’d think things would be calm on a late Monday afternoon….but no. There’s “that guy” parked at the bar. “That guy” proceeds to harass the bartender for the next hour. Finally, he left, and I went to board my flight. Where do you think “that guy” is sitting? Yeah, next to me on the way to Cincinnati.

And then…”that guy” realized he was in the wrong seat, so he moved across the aisle. And for the longest time, the seat beside me sat empty. Then a rush of people came on, including one frazzled looking mid-60s woman. Before she sat down, she asked for a Vodka and OJ. F/A brought it to her. It lacked enough Vodka. F/A poured more. My new seatmate looked at me and proclaimed “now that’s a drink!” Then she put on her earbuds, cranked up her music to level 20, and proceeded to dance in her seat. This went on through taxi…then takeoff. F/A makes the usual post takeoff announcement. Seatmate looks at me and says “was he making any sense?” I say….sorta but the engine noise blocked it out. More vodka and OJ.

Next thing I know, I feel someone leaning on my arm….it’s my seatmate. She’s passed out onto her travel pillow….and wrapped herself around my impressive biceps. This goes on for a few minutes. Finally, one of the other F/A’s is backing the carts back up to the galley and we happen to make eye contact. She cracks up laughing after she sees my predicament. Lead F/A comes out…I dunno what he said, but the word “girlfriend” was involved. She apologizes. I assure her it’s OK. Dancing in the seat resumes with music cranked up loud enough to hear it over the wind noise of a jet moving through the air around 9 miles a minute.

The descent begins. I’m working feverishly on my laptop. Suddenly, I feel that old familiar feeling wrapped around my still impressive right bicep. Yes, my old friend has passed out again…using me as a pillow. A little turbulence roused her awake…..and we land. She leaves. F/A remarks as I’m leaving that “my girlfriend is waiting for me.” We laugh. I leave. The end.

So, what’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you on a flight?

-MJ, March 8, 2015